Sunday, September 22, 2013

Querencia First Draft

As I walk into the door, I yank off my shoes, barely able to stand from the weight of all my bag. My bag was filled with worksheets, textbooks and binders, and that's all I could think of. Honestly, I wasn't ready for the week. After walking through the door, I immediately sat at my desk and unzipped my bag, eager to finish my homework. As I pulled the sliding body across the track of teeth, all I could see was a stack of papers, binders, and text books. Jerking each paper out of my bag, it felt as if the stack was endless. My bag kept spitting more and more work at me.

I easily breezed through all of my work sheets. But then, I hit the brick wall.  I started on my first project, an essay. After writing my name, nothing came out. it was as if The pencil was out of led. Everytime I tried writing something, it was like nothing could make it to the paper. It was simple, I was out of ideas, I was brain dead. Then, I was reminded of my chores. The level of stress after that increased more and more each time I thought about my deadlines. "Essay for writing, essay or science, project for math."  It seemed as f I was thinking to hard that I couldn't think at all. With to much to bare, I push my homework aside, slip on my slippers, and walk out side.

Walking up to the park next to my house, I was easily greeted by a breeze of fresh air. People say that there are barley any stars here in Oahu, but as I sat down on the bench and looked up at the sky, it seemed as everyone was wrong. I began to look for constellations and other things in the sky. So engaged into what I was doing, I got up from the bench, and laid myself down on the soft green grass. The grass was a little damp, but it still didn't matter to me. Star gazing and looking up at the clouds helped me to reminisce and really reflect. I began to think about my Grandpa. I thought about how much he helped me and how much he cared for me. I couldn't help but laugh at all our great memories. Then, the shape of the moon helped me to reflect on my life as a whole. Laughing, and some solemn tears caused me to eventually fall asleep. I was so comfortable it felt as if I was sleeping in my bed. All of a sudden, I felt a slight vibration on the side of my thigh. pulling my cellphone out of my pocket, I could see that my mom was calling me. Once I answered it, I could tell that my mom was worried about where I was. I eventually calmed her down and told her where I was.

Walking back to my house, I was so relaxed. My mind was cleared and I was ready to take on the week. I was ready to take on my deadlines, my obligations, my duties. Starting on my essay, I easily finished it.

The park by house, or Kanoelani park, was always a place I went. Always a place I went to recollect myself and to really relax. It was always a place I went to reminisce and reflect. This place was always a place I could be myself and feel comfortable. The people there were always so friendly and the environment was always so safe. This was Querencia, another place I call home.

3 comments:

  1. "stand from the weight of all my bag"
    "I pulled the sliding body across the track of teeth"

    YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE YOU FIX ALL THE SMALL ERRORS MADE FROM RUSHING WHEN TYPING, READ OVER YOUR ESSAY BECAUSE THERE ARE MANY ERRORS LIKE THE ONES STATED ABOVE. YOU ALSO NEED TO EXPLAIN THINGS A BIT MORE, LIKE WHY DID YOU THINK OF YOUR GRANDPA? WHY DOES THE MOON MAKE YOU THINK OF YOUR LIFE IN GENERAL? EVERYTHING NEEDS TO EXPLAINED A BIT MORE AND ALSO ADD WHY THIS PARK IS DIFFERENT THAN EVERYWHERE ELSE. MS(3-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good Job. I liked how you explained every little thing that happened as soon as you got home. In the last paragraph you say a lot of "Always a place", "This place was always", " The people there were always." Try to change it up a little because it begins to sound very repetitive. You could also get more into detail about how you feel when you're at the park. Other than that it was a well-written essay.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your essay was very good and interesting. I like how you put what would stress you out, like your homework. I also like how you put stuff that you remember. There's just one thing that could better your essay, if you could put more sensory details, like what you hear or see, at the park. Overall, great job.

    ReplyDelete